just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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