Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
