dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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