Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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