We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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