i jhust puked up my retainher.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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