I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
