Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
