I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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