I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
