Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
