All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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