My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
