Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
