Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
