That's intense
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
