I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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