Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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