I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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