If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
