Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
