Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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