apparently the secret to your success is patron
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
