This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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