There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
