he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
