No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
