I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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