Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
