i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
