I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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