I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
