please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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