Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
