There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
