thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
