Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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