I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We have so much sex to catch up on
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
