I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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