you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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