I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
