he shaved USA in his pubs
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
