ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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