I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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