if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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