dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
