just tell him i said nine months
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
