remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
