Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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