I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
