he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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