i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
