I just cut my nipple shaving
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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