I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
